Self-compassion vs Self-esteem

My mother, a woman I loved dearly but who was sometimes very wrong about things, used to say that it was important to think and say all the bad things about yourself before anyone else had a chance to do so. The idea was (I think) not to allow criticism to take you by surprise.

Here’s an interesting blog post that I recently found in my inbox. It reminded me of my mother. It’s about self-compassion, a concept that has risen in importance in psychological circles as the over-riding importance self-esteem has receded.

If you don’t have time to read the whole post the salient points are that:

• “..success and wellbeing are associated with high self-esteem, and that people with lower self-esteem suffer a disproportionate share of emotional and behavioural problems” but “..self-esteem appears to be the result of success and wellbeing rather than their cause.” 

• Self compassion (treating oneself kindly) “appears to be far more important for wellbeing” than self esteem.

• self-compassion has the power to influence people’s emotions and behaviours in ways that self-esteem does not.

• “People who are higher in self-compassion show greater emotional stability, are more resilient, have a more optimistic perspective, and report greater life satisfaction. They are also less likely to display signs of psychological problems such as depression and chronic anxiety.” They also “deal more successfully with negative events”

• Self-compassion is a teachable skill: people can learn to become more self-compassionate.

I’m not very good at forgiving myself (thanks Mum!) but I have patients who are much worse. The ones who stand out in my mind are the patients with eating disorders but there are many more. Little exercises like asking yourself “if my friend were in this position what would I say to him/her” and learning to recognise and challenge negative self talk really can help.

Interestingly the importance of self compassion has been recognised in the treatment of eating disorders for a long time.

And that is a very sneaky way to segue into reminding you about the resources available from the Centre for Clinical Interventions in Western Australia whose website contains some terrific patient workbooks, not specifically about self-compassion but certainly about lots of related topics. The workbooks are designed to be worked through by patients with or without the support of a GP or therapist and the Eating Disorders workbooks are excellent.  I recommend visiting the workbook section of the website. It’s quite possible that reading the workbooks might be a good education for you as well!